ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴘᴇʀᴄᴇɪᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ

Today’s latent post is a bid towards the general public and everyone… pls stop perceiving me 💖

How do we make sense of the notion that we are constantly under the surveillance imposed by the gaze of the Other over which we have no control. I have no idea how you perceive me, and you likewise. We are in constant negotiation of our own identities and our role therein. However, these perceptions are fleeting and mostly inaccurate. Do we ever exist as a solid entity in other people’s heads? Maybe to those closest to us?

i think being confronted by other’s internal ranking or perception of me is driving me a little loca. people think that you want to be perceived by them [which yes we are in a constant pull between being known and unknown] but i’m so tired of the femme’s experience being so colored my a male/digital gaze.

I don’t wish my existence to be merely ornamental. My aimlessness and never-ceasing contradictions is what gives me substance and makes me whole. And I would like to invite you {the universe} to walk with me in that rather than sit on the sidelines and gawk.

I also cannot help but recommend the novel “Trick Mirrors” by Jia Tolentino, as it seems to resonate on several levels. Jia doesn’t seem to argue or make justifications towards her worldviews or beliefs, more so just lays them out in way that’s very much them’s the facts. She is also from texas and grew up listening to chopped and screwed which is a personality trait that I very much admire. for better reading of “Trick Mirrors”, I recommend not dropping the copy that your dear and cherished friend gave you in the bath 😡

Speaking of lady writers….M*ggie N*s*n may be coming to my work?? and I don’t know if it’s THE maggie or whatnot, but if it is her, I will fangirl internally.

Still seeking out Fulbright sources of affiliation, oops. In my research towards such, I came across The Alphabet of Feeling Bad by Karin Michalski. In it, she categorizes a wide array of specific icky feelings and makes note that they are largely due to the collection feeling, rather than the fault of the individual, through “public feelings. Therefore for now on, I will be proclaiming that whatever I am feeling is a public feeling.

My attempt to write this is a bid towards public feelings. Why should we so actively seek to hamper our rich internal worlds to mimic a more masculine worldview which is sparsely emotive, and which only glorifies certain modes of expression, sounds pretty lame if you ask me.

Really want to lean into my weirdness this week, and observe from a place of nonjudgment, I wish the same for u ❤

xx

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