am i cliché? cuz wut You Do 2 Me is a SHAME

eunce eunce

Saw a really incredible show this weekend at the David Kordansky Gallery, Andrea Büttner ‘Grids, vases, and plant beds’ which featured a 32 min video, containing footage and interviews of nuns from the Carmelite Convent of the Precious Blood, located in Dachau.

There’s tinges of discomfort, at once feeling like an intrusion of history and of the memory of the victims, combined with a palpable and conviction on the part of the nuns to atone for the sins of perpetrators who vehemently promoted the religion. There is sentiment of hopeful post-war interfaith peace-keeping, that while noble feels a bit out of touch. Did these nuns join the convent out of a deep sense of shame? A perverse curiosity?

My sense is that it Buettner wants us to observe, while also noting the inconsistencies. That maybe some of intentions were good, but that the road to hell is ‘always paved with good intentions’ as they say. I think that it is important to be skeptical of people’s actions.

It’s so difficult finding a balance in seeking accountability. I feel like one whiff of disagreement of judgment, and people are liable to become defensive. But also recognizing that this comes from a sense of shame. How do we show people the error of their ways without them being so ready to hold onto their guns?

I think people have unrealistic expectations of themselves & others, I know I do.

Just as we cannot expect perfection from ourselves, we cannot expect it from others; we are bound to be messy incomplete humans at one time or another. And I think that’s more of our true nature than any of our shiny grand moments.

I wish more would realize that it’s okay and human to make mistakes, and to accept fault. When people are so blinded by their ego that they offer justifications rather than accountability, it gets us nowhere :/ Sometimes it’s better to just throw your hands up and admit defeat than to try to argue your way out of any hole.

This Mormon girl I follow from school—the one who I recall returning an adopted cat to the shelter after it started inducing allergy symptoms in one of her parents (poor thing); and who squared off with my sixth grade science teacher about the validity of global warming science like she was a baby Republican lobbyist—recently posted about how offended she was to read about the term white savior complex, after an extensive series of mission trips [the irony]. Which like, I get. Maybe you really believe what you’re selling but also, digging your heels in and defending and not using this criticism as a point of self-reflection just seems hypocritical? I don’t know if this was out of a lack of self-awareness that she doubled down? IDK.

I wish people would acknowledge that sometimes we are all baby brain with two brain cells left, and I think that’s beautiful ❤

To always be right is dishonest and exhausting.

Do I believe she has good intentions? I think so. But does our intent always determine the weight of actions? I don’t think so either.

[i’m sitting on my break and being anti social as I write this :p]

today is cold and it feels like it is going to rain.

my stomach was in knots today, and i woke up feeling kinda nauseous.

my somatic way of healing is to blast my music incredibly loud and belting along εїз

my friend sophie turned me on to a p good girl boss movie the other day, called „softness of bodies” which very much called my ass out for being a writer gyal who wants to move to berlin and is very distant ✨cool girl😗

NOTHING ELSE TO REPORT!

{except that i both wish it would rain & i’m going to the pool this merry labor day weekend}

ciao a more ·͜·♡

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