So much so much. Where to even start! I have been engaged with a mommy dearest level of conflict which was made even more prominent by yesterday’s holiday 😎 I’ve been trying to just focus on my own inner peace, because when i try to go down the route of being seen by someone who will never ever see me for me, it’s like getting slapped in the face on repeat.
The conflict was so bad I full on had chest pains for days that I went to the Hollywood Walk-In clinic for an ekg!!!! Side note, my skin is so silky smooth that the nurse could not attach the little sticky thingies. I full on had to get naked and put on a medical robe, fun times on a Thursday 🙂
I can’t choose the path for others in my life. I can only focus on my own healing. Starting reading the book Will I Ever Be Good Enough? that was hitting me in my f*cking core.
To anyone else well-versed in family conflict, know that you didn’t ask for it, it’s not your fault. And you have the power to not be like them ✨
I choose dance, I choose music, I don’t choose mommy and daddy issues.
I think about how 67% of people have had at least one adverse childhood experience. And with the lack of attention brought to neglect and emotional abuse where we constantly self gaslight, it makes me sad how many people have been trained to not even “go there.”
At this point if you want to say something, say it with your chest and to my face 😡 i’d rather know my enemies than lay in bed with false friends
In less emotional drama news, I viewed an apartment in a prime walkable location. It’s a lil baby studio which suits me, and has both modern interior and original furnishings. The parking situation also seems to be less of a pain in the ass.
I was thinking a lot about Colombia this weekend, like damn, yet another dictatorial South American power trying to squash the will of the people. I don’t think the U.S. cares or in the very least thinks something like that can happen here, when it clearly did just last January.
It feels like we are being gaslit by media and our government to think that everything is hunky dory now that Biden is president when just months ago we were on the verge of civil war (´._.`)
The whiplash of American democracy means having to quietly ignore all the historical moments where true will of the people was ignored for the sake of our own political interest. I don’t know how we can take ourselves seriously after what we did to Chile in the 1970s 🥴 “𝓲𝓷𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓬𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝔂𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓲𝓼 𝓪 𝓽𝓱𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓬𝓮 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮”
In order to cope you almost have to forget, but I’m like an elephant, I never forget (even when sometimes I wish I could.)
I’m worried that when we re-gain a sense of “normal”, people will forget all the lessons from the past year. How masses were exploited for their labor despite the health risks implicated in a P.A.N.D.E.M.I.C. ✨Or how if we want real tangible change, we have to be the arbiters of it, that sadly no one is coming to save us.
Don’t let anyone make you forget or attempt to deny your truth. Because unflattering truths are the most difficult to swallow because they uproot our entire understanding of the world as we know it. But they are perhaps the most vital.
I leave you with the absurdity of the Drake candle Postmates offer, and hope you enter the rest of your day in peace 🙏🏼